Maple texted this pic of herself to me the other day with a note saying something along the lines of: I look so much like you here. I got a kick out of it of course, and mused, as I often do, the way she and I are both alike and different, and how, more than anything I just really enjoy the person that she is and I feel lucky to know her. It’s so amazing to know someone “the whole way”, ya know? My sis just had her first a couple of weeks ago and it is so wild to reflect on my own beginning as a mom and even wilder to remember that that tiny, perfect known/unknown newborn was moo.
Recently, Maple was watching Wilfred for me (so that I could escape to the gym to throw heavy things around) and she relayed to me later that he had called her “Maple Mama”. She was like um noooooo, not mama, I am your sister. I got a big chuckle out of this, they have this ongoing disagreement where Freddy will often tell her that I am his mama and not hers, only his. It drives her totally nuts and she insists repeatedly that I am indeed her mama too and that actually I was her mama first, don’t you know? I reassure her always and then make fun of her for getting into a tiff with a toddler. (oh how he is so much like how she once was, bahahaha!) But I also think that it is sweet and maybe even beneficial that he makes a certain distinction with her in terms of understanding that she is not only a sibling for him, but also one of his caregivers. Someone that he can lean on and count on for his tending and well-being in a way similar to that of his parents. It is like this for him with Eider for sure too, and Eid is most certainly someone who cares for and looks after Freddy, but there is a little more play in their relationship that feels so much like brotherhood in a ways that makes it distinct.
Maple, the koala crate magic maker.
I guess I like it both ways or all ways. I like the freedom in the possibility of my children relating to each other in multiple ways. I certainly like that there are more than just Chris and I looking out for these kids. That is what it takes, after all. The village and all that. I was reminded again of this recently, and with a certain amount of gusto, when Maple’s back injury was made clear. A little recap in case you missed it: Our girl has been complaining of hip pain on and off for the past several months, through much of the swim and nordic seasons. She finally went into our primary a couple of weeks ago who confirmed that there was a good deal of inflammation and referred her to a PT. We had a decent-sized list of local options to choose from and I wound up selecting one that is in the same office building as our regular doctors, for ease and convenience. And also because of trust. She was able to get in immediately - thank you to all DRs and PTs who understand this particular type of urgency- and was diagnosed with a slipped or bulging disc in her mid-thoracic that is pinching a nerve which is deferring pain to her hip. They prescribed a 6-week course of visits and gave her one exercise to work on.
I was super grateful, and at the same time left wanting. I didn’t get the impression that this particular PT was going to be as proactive or as thorough as we both need and expect them to be. And then she canceled Maple’s first visit and when I called the office to request a call from the practitioner to go over what the plan is with me, she never responded. To be fair, I did not really give her a long time to respond. I had a funny feeling and a sense that I could find something better for my kid. Maple’s initial visit was Friday morning, and by Monday midday I was at the gym in class with one of our amazing coaches, who always earnestly checks in with everyone. And as ever, shit with our kids is always front of mind, so when she asked I told her what was up with moo and how I was feeling dissatisfied with the care we were accessing thus far. She validated my experience with a telling of her own and then shared with me the PTs that she works with in Williston who work with athletes and young folks not just looking to “get by” but to perform and thrive. My coach gave me their number and I texted right after class. I got a message back within a couple of hours and by the evening Maple had a spot the following day, Tuesday, from a cancellation.
Wilfred and I took her up for her initial consult and let me tell you it was night and day a completely different vibe from what we had experienced at our local spot. So, we said yes please and booked 8 sessions. (Out of newtwork/ out of pocket be damned!) After that first consult, Maple came home with waaaaaay more information and 12 exercises to begin working with immediately. Not to mention feelings of both confidence and hope, which when you are anyone with an injury, but perhaps most especially a kid with an injury not super common to someone your age, is really exactly what you need.
And in a very real way, I feel held and cared for by people in this funny corner of New England that we have chosen to call home. I am understanding more and more the ways in which they are looking out for us and for one another. I have felt it with the support and care we have received as we navigated moving schools for Eider, I feel it again now with Moo, and if I am honest and keep my eyes and heart clear and open, I can see it in so many of the daily exchanges and seemingly banal interactions I have with folks in all of the places in which we have become regulars. I love that. So much. I feel known in some essential ways that are new to me here. And I feel home. Thank god and about time.
Plus, I am Maple’s mama. Sorry fredzo looks like ya gotta share bahaha and jokes on you number three. And mothering her in small, as well as wide and inclusive and broadly supported ways, is something I know I am so lucky to get to continue to do.