One potential way to deconstruct childhood and generational trauma is to get very close up to how the damage was done. Recreate the scene and then shift the script. I think that is what Chris and Eider are doing as they walk this high school lacrosse path together. The intersection of passion and expectation is full of pitfalls and leg traps; near-constant vigilance is a requirement. Chris must consider each move before he acts, assess the value as it relates to the service and the aim.
What is the big picture? What is the intended outcome? Beyond a capable and inspired athlete. How is this practice serving his humanity and the path of practice and purpose of the man he will become?
We have a family value placed on learning, on practice, on studentship, on mentorship, on teaching and coaching. We understand the implications of both the successes as well as the failures in these domains. We have seen a few things. And have tested some beliefs and ideals.
One requirement, that we are seeing get stronger in our son every day, is baseline humility. The ability to receive and then integrate feedback is essential. This is not to say Eider is not a cocky little 15-year-old, he most certainly is. But he has the capacity to turn it off and humble himself to the resource of the person with more experience as appropriate and as needed.
Even so, grief and joy are like conjoined twins; pull too hard and the whole thing tightens or unravels, the beginning of one and the end of the other become too indistinct. I understand that these are the motifs most of us have to work with over the course of things. My big prayer here is that this experience is healing for Chris and clear for Eider; that our kid is growing and developing in ways that do not include him carrying the weight of his father’s wounds.
So far so good I think, but I am skeptical of our ability to really know in these efforts. I do not think sports are the be all end all way to make a good person but I wholeheartedly believe in practice. Much of what eider is applying here he’s learned from music education and independence in learning via his approach to home education. He knows that practice makes progress and that the way you show up to challenge and adversity teaches so much about who you are. I am so into the intentionality and collaboration of all of this. The best work. And a joy and honor to witness.