I guess this is just really on my mind these days as we dive into the fullness of our fall schedule. Because as much as I really do believe in balance, I also always bring myself right up to my edge in terms of what I can manage. So, sure, it is a balance. But it is a precarious one! Because here is the deal: when there is a space, I fill it. And not because I cannot say no. I am actually quite skilled at saying no and also at prioritizing my own self- interest. But I also make a practice of saying yes to fun. Fun. FUN! And it is pretty clear that my saying yes to fun and to joy and to the fullness of life experience (especially while my children are still young) is what brings me right up to the edge.
I know that I am not alone in this. The tribe of women and mamas that I gather around us are cut from the same cloth. And I am supported by a man who does not have my same inclination to fill in the gaps and yet loves me and has my back none the less.
However, there is an important aspect to this way of living life. I have to continuously check in to and assess my own state. How am I doing? Can I sustain this level of activity and stay connected to my heart and also the hearts of my people? Is this working? Is it worth it? Are we all ok? And I am learning that it is a fluid life. Often by the time I have adjusted to the current schedule of things, something shifts and it is time to adapt yet again. My presence is paramount. I have to remember that.
I was listening to an interview on a couple's counseling podcast that I follow- and while they were talking about the brain in interpersonal conflict and resolution, I found this quote in particular very applicable to what I am going for in general: "Repeatedly internalize experiences in which you are being the way that you want to be" ... so that over time, your "state becomes your trait". (from and interview by Jason Gaddis with Rick Hanson on the Smart Couple) I love that. Check in. Bring your consciousness into your state. More and more until it becomes your trait.